These Mortal Bones

Casting Shadows

 I went for a walk to the neighborhood botanica this morning. I was looking for a small image of the Virgin of Guadalupe as a gift for my Great Grandmother. While I was in the area, I stopped by a local antique store, browsed around, and came away with an almost perfect tin for my watercolors. It was a boon.

So why am I feeling blue?

The short answer is that I'm in physical pain. The deeper answer is that I am becoming acutely aware of my mortal body, and that, of course, is causing me to dive deep into the shadowy darkness of the season. Without my near-daily dose of over-the-counter NSAIDS, I'm really feeling my body, and feeling my body means that I'm facing mortality in a much more REAL way.  

Honestly, I'm not enjoying myself right now.  

I should be clear here.  I talk to the Goddess of Death on the regular. I light candles and chat with my dead parents, friends, and ancestors. I buy them gifts and ask for their guidance. I embrace, heartily, the dark part of the year when things quiet down. I am, for all intents and purposes a very grounded pagan with a pretty solid understanding of the Wheel. Still, as an up-to-this-point relatively healthy and fairly strong woman, I hadn't REALLY gotten down and dirty with my own impending "next adventure." Not really.  

Then things started to slide - my body started to complain more. I had an easy way out though. That is, when pain rose in my body, I drugged it. I didn't use anything illegal. I stuck strictly to things that my doctor either prescribed or I found in aisle 9 of whatever local grocery store was nearby. Advil and Aleve were my favorites.  

Here's what I can say about them now - over 30 days from the last time I took a little blue or brown pill or a pretty liqui-cap to knock out a headache or a muscle spasm or any of the random pain spikes I seem to be having. THOSE PILLS ARE MAGIC. 

Sadly, like any magic, they have some potential side effects, and they can go screwy. At least for some folks. They did for me.

So!  Here I am, in the midst of the season of Winter Nights, at the beginning of the Samhain Season, on the Day of the Dead, feeling my mortal bones and feeling at the same time - sad and sorry for myself AND intrigued about what kind of growth and transformation could come of this. I'm an edge walker, and this feels like an edge that I haven't really explored. 

Blue. Sad and sorry for myself. A little angry. Kind of scared.  

Watch me.  Here I go.


Things I'm taking on the Journey. Or...Self Care Tools

  • Leaning toward Vegan. Kidney's don't process animal protein as well, so that long dream of being a committed vegetarian is coming true.
  • Acupuncture. It's relaxing, and there are some studies that say it can help raise EFGR numbers. I'm trying for weekly, but transportation is a bit of a mess right now.
  • Yin Yoga. Specifically, I'm doing poses for both the kidneys and the spleen.
  • Hatha Yoga. More kidney moves.
  • Walking, moving, sweating.  We were meant to move - us humans. I'm not stopping, but I have had to reconfigure my approach. I can no longer afford to push myself just to prove to myself everything is fine. I'm learning to go softer and steadier.
  • Meditation. I've restarted a regular practice that includes meditating on the Buddhist 5 Rememberances. I usually do some Reiki self-healing and chakra work too. 
  • Morning pages. I need the surface garble and chatter to get out of my head, so I write.
  • Epsom salt baths, CBD salve, and stretching. These help. That is all.
  • Non-linear Movement Method. I am working back toward a daily, short practice with this. It's a wonderful somatic method for moving with and through feelings. In Chinese medicine, kidneys are associated with fear and the spleen with anger.  Right now, I have plenty of both, and I am a firm believer that if I don't move it, it will stick, and I know I don't need that. My body has gone through and held onto enough already.
  • Art. I am driven to create, so I do.
  • Connection and Gratitude. I am deeply grateful for all the loving people and beings that I have in my life.  


  1. Sorry sweet love. Sending so much positive goodness your way❤️ Teresa


Post a Comment

Popular Posts